When this year started, I felt the Father tell me that I needed to hold onto the words “even if.” I don’t tend to choose a word every year, but this year I felt like that was something that I needed to hold onto, unknowing of what this year would bring.
Even when the anxiety comes back, He is still good.
Even if all of my plans are cancelled and I don’t know when I’ll be able to continue, He is still good.
Even if I haven’t hugged my friends in over two months, He is still good.
Even if my job doesn’t work out the way I thought it would, He is still good.
For even if, He is still good.
I had no idea, even when He was telling me “even if.”
This is the thing though, regardless of everything that is going on right now. He is still good. I’ve seen His hand in my life more than I ever have. Just a few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure if I had a job this summer. I’m beyond excited to share that I have been hired as a nanny, a job that I can work amidst a global pandemic. I had gone to this interview, already planning to work another job. There was something in me, that knew I should drive the hour and a half to go to an interview. Because of that interview, I now have a job, and my other (previously) planned job isn’t happening due to COVID. I woke up to an email about that job and promptly cried. Because even if, He is still good.
These weeks haven’t been easy. There’s been a lot of questioning and a lot of time sitting with the Lord. Asking about next steps, when I am unsure when I’ll even be able to take the next step.
These weeks have also been beautiful. I’ve cooked and laughed with my Mama. I’ve taken countless walks, at least once a day. Learned more about chicken farming with my Dad. My family is all under one roof, something that may never happen again as we move out and spread these wings. I’ve realized how funny my brother is, and how much bread we can consume as a family.
These weeks have also been full of learning more about myself, but also who Jesus is. A side of Him that I’ve never really seen before. Learning that I will never grow tired of who He is, and that’s a beautiful thing.
I’m learning that hope and fear can’t coexist in the same space. That Jesus loves to leave hope bread crumbs sprinkled around me. That Jesus gets the last word, hope gets the last word, for death lost that opportunity when He went to the cross.
For even if, he is still good.